soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
