Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We have started to decorate penises.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
