i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
