your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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