she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize