You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
being pregnant is like rehab
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
