I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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