My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
