We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize