guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
