Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
