Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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