I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
