Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
