his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
