Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
