so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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