Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize