Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
