one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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