His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I love how my cats smell like pot.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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