The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
