I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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