We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
