and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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