have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
