Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You are the jesus of drinking
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
