how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
