I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
