I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
