Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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