For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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