the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
