it wasn't lemon gatorade
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
