I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
