ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
