but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
