you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
