For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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