you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
