I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize