I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
