Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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