3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
