I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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