I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
