Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
