thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize