4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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