Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
