Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
