On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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