Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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