im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he puts the penis in happiness.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
send nudes
from the living room?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
