Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize