Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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