I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
