If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
