I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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