I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
After last night, I could never be a politician.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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