that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
