They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
