I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
