I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
