question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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