lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
