Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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