once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize