I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
