It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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