Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
