I just threw up on my dentist
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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