I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
