Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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