I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
