dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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