Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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