frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
