I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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