I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I intend to get homeless drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
