I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
