And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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