If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize