I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
