I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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