i just had sex bonerless
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
