Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
