just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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