I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize