Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
