And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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