I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
