Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize